During the Holidays

[Jeff]

For some at least, holidays can be an exciting time to spend with the people that you care about perhaps the most. Through this opportunity comes expressions of love that emanate from traditions handed down over many generations over and over and over again to the point of it becoming second nature and therefore natural. The effort involved is an expression of love. The excitement of sharing is an expression of love. The assumption that it wants to be received is an expression of love.

So when faced with this dilemma of having to turn down your sweet dear old grandmother or mother in law or whoever we are put in a very awkward situation. How does one most properly turn down an expression of so much love?

It’s a perplexing dilemma indeed. Because, to love is to perfect and nurture ones spiritual growth and independence says M. Scott Peck. What then is the spiritual growth for the vegan being presented body parts? And what then is the independence if turning it down offends? So herein lies the challenge of love. The question of whether or not this is a functional love is probably pretty irrelevant at this point. It’s the holidays and no one wants to make a scene.

So here we are, dead Turkey on the table and over there a part of a lamb’s body. If the children really consciously could conceive, knew and had a clue they would be horrified, Petrified. But this infantile habituation desensitized them to the point of oblivion. And so they are overwhelmed with the love that surrounds them. And if ever there was a time they had resisted they may have been forced to swallow.

Does one take a liberation pledge? What about taking advantage of the opportunity to inspire others somehow? If you’ve been doing this for some time there just might come a time where your patience wears thin. And God forbid should you ever explode cause now they can blame it on you. So what is a vegan to do…

The most simple solution is to fast. But, really, eat before you leave. And/or bring as much incredible vegan food as you can and immerse them with diverse beauty. Or invite them over and say, no need to bring anything! Or just eat what, if anything, is vegan and only speak when spoken to.

Ok, it’s not that bad really. Unfortunately this day really doesn’t have to be any different than any other day. I try not to isolate myself. But, I have become so immersed in my work for the vegan community that I have a very interesting reason not to show up consistently anymore. I still show up, but on my terms. If I am in the mood to handle it I’m going and I may even have a really great time. Otherwise, no biggy, maybe I’ll show up next time.

At the end of the day it’s best to be assertive. As much as raising children vegan is the most important message to me now being assertive is basically right there with it.

Emily of Bitesize Vegan did a great video that reminds me of how to deal with nonvegans. She actually has several on that topic. I would like to see more examples of assertiveness.

Assertiveness is truly an artform. The concept has been made fun of. But, when you really understand it, assertiveness can be one of the most powerful and beautiful things. It just takes knowing how and practice, practice, practice. Then when it becomes second nature you “might” pull this tool out at just the right time when emotions start to rise. If someone is pushing your triggers or getting emotional it may be hard not to reciprocate or react aggressively or passively or both. Anticipation helps.

When you anticipate something you’re mentally prepared. So, here we are, it’s XYZ Holiday, you’re ABOUT to leave. You at least had a snack. You’re also bringing some things to eat and maybe even share. Maybe you and a friend can talk about what you anticipate someone might say. Now’s a good time to practice.

When I started the Stories, Insights, & Perspectives series on YouTube.com/VeganLinked in 2020, several hundred interviews ago, on that first run I met JC & Rae Sikora at their dome in New Mexico. This was such a magical experience from traveling in to the hike we took and the incredible sceneries, their PERFECT whole food vegan meals, everything was just the best ambiance. Rae said in her interview “when I’m dealing with individuals whether it’s friends, family, strangers, I feel like my job is to ask questions that get those people to ask themselves questions”. And “I’ll ask questions let’s just get people sort of questioning themselves and looking into their hearts and coming to their own conclusions you know is this really how i want to live is this the most compassionate choice i can make that’s not for me to decide for them they need to come to it they need to look in their hearts” https://youtu.be/I_8EKReeuD4

Assertive communication of course goes further than just asking questions. It’s said 80% of communication is nonverbal. And we also need to be aware of own feelings. This way we can express them clearly from the position of “I”. I feel like. Instead of “You” which is considered aggressive or just not saying anything which would be passive.

When you anticipate and don’t let things escalate you can more easily be assertive and heard. Then they are essentially forced to look at their self and not escalate. The better you get at this the more contagious it becomes. It’s truly a fascinating and extremely powerful thing; something everyone ideally would master, including advocates. The goal is for everyone walking away from the conversation feeling good.

[Author]

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